Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Life is Still Awesome

Little Awesome turned 7 months old on Sunday.  He gets baptized next week.  It's his first Christmas, his first New Years.  A lot is happening in his life.

I've had a couple of months to reflect why I started this blog in the first place.  At first, I wanted to chronicle the growth of my son and share it with the world.  I wanted to hopefully record my growth as a father, mistakes and all.  I wanted to share a journey of smiles from a groggy child at 5 a.m. that make you forget in an instant how much sleep you've lost.
This was my Birthday present from L.A.

If I had to take anything from the last couple of months - it would be "Make sure you have your support team intact".  Things happen in life.  Unexpected things.  Things that you knew were coming, but secretly were hoping would be taken care of behind the scenes.  Yes, accountability and responsibility are givens when you're an adult but sometimes you wish on wishes that you could take a mulligan.

This was my struggle the past couple of months.  It wasn't getting older (That happens, get used to it.) It was dealing, and there were days when I didn't feel awesome.  There were days when things didn't feel awesome.  I loved my bride, I loved my son, I loved my dogs, and I was thankful that we had a roof over our heads - but I felt like I should be doing more for my family.  That scraping by wasn't awesome enough.  How could I share that with the world and put on a face that things were awesome when I didn't feel like they were?  How could I share with the world that today I felt inadequate as a husband, as a father, as a provider?  How could I say my life was awesome when I was losing my temper and swimming in a pool of frustration?

I reached out to my support team.  Your support team may be (and most of the times should be) the people that you are fighting with.  Those are the people who are going to set it straight for you instead of telling you what you need to hear anyway.  Sometimes, you won't get anything in response.  Sometimes... people listen without giving you their opinions, and sometimes that is the greatest gift. Sometimes, it's a look...

Sometimes you will say the things you don't mean.  Sometimes you go in a totally different direction just because you think that it is the right thing to do simply because it is different.  Sometimes you let the first words come out just because you're tired of holding your tongue.  Sometimes, you're instantly sorry...


Sometimes, you reflect on how it all started...


Sometimes you remember how far you've come...

Sometimes you pray silently when all is quiet in the house, when the big boy is sleeping for the second week in his big boy nursery.  When your beautiful wife is finally getting the rest she deserves.

First, a prayer of thanks because let's face it - what graces your life can easily vanish in an instant.  Second, a prayer of guidance, because let's also face it - I'm not perfect and every day I'm learning and as far as I'm concerned, that's a good thing.  I'm slowly but surely learning how to let go of that little voice inside (mine) that has that grainy recording that flatly lists everything I've ever done wrong...

Sometimes you have to realize that even though it's not rainbows and unicorns all the time, it's still worth it.  Even a grimy mirror can still reflect something beautiful.  Share it.  Live it.  Shoulders back. Chin up.

Life is Awesome... It's not perfect.  But it's Awesome.