Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Rock and Roll All Nite and Potty Every Day!

So last night Little Awesome decided to put on a show and roll over.  I am a very proud daddy!

The gas crisis is getting better, so hopefully we'll be getting to the end of that tunnel rather soon.

We've come to grips that L.A. is getting older, as we are one month and five days into his life.  I, for one, and super stoked that I have not been responsible for any broken bones... yet.  However, if I wake up in the middle of the night I find myself staying awake to listen to see if my son is breathing.  That turns my mind into overdrive and it's typically an hour before I can wind down again.  Now, Mrs. Awesome has mastered the broad range scan super prolific hearing technique (which really sounds cool when said with a Scottish accent).  So, here I am all ears sonar, while Mrs. Awesome is blissfully asleep - and L.A. makes some slight gurgle and she's up - "Dear, I think he spit up can you check?"  Of course I can check, I am the Omnipresent father who has been listening, not that I will find anythi...

Crap.

Silently I curse my testosterone muddled cochlea and shuffle off to get a Kleenex.

Little Awesome has also decided that since it is summer, it is time to wear swimwear 24/7 unless attending one of Nana's tea parties.  So diapers it is until October which makes changing time a breeze.  Which these days has become incredibly more frequent and productive.  Ever irritated by the gas crisis, L.A. has moved on to a new, alternative form of energy research - pee.  He is convinced that the copious productivity springing forth from his being will somehow redirect gravitational pull and cause a spontaneous cold fusion that will be so spectacular it will rival any Jimi Hendrix guitar solo ever played.  I am merely convinced that I will have to change shirts more frequently and invest in chalk to mark the distance on the hardwood floors -  shunning my career to become a bookie for what could be a new Olympic sport.

Be awesome everyone.  Thanks for stopping by and don't forget to join our little group.  We're glad to see you.


Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Sleep is over-rated... This sleep has been rated MP (More Please)

Little Awesome has been hard at work this past week.  He has taken it upon himself to solve the world's gas shortage.  Unfortunately, he gets a little greedy and doesn't want to let go of what he has created...

This is a sign of things to come, I am sure of it.

We, as loving parents, try and encourage L.A. to let go - to "Use the Force" as it were.  Use his powers for good.  My son decides that screaming is a better option.

I say all of this in jest as I know and Mrs. Awesome knows that he can't help it.  He didn't get a manual to read - just like we didn't get our manual.  So he is stuck grunting and pushing to no avail while the bubble in his rumbly tumbly gets more and more gurgly by the second.

The hardest part for me is two-fold...

Number one being the sleep that eludes all of us.  Lunesta and Nitol are not a part of our household, so we are forced to get creative and spin yarns about L.A.'s condition.  Last night, we rambled about how the neighborhood could fire the mythical Rooster that wakes everyone us in the wee morning hours, or how Little Awesome could become the mascot for the new hockey team "The Massachusetts Waaaahs" complete with description of the logo on the jersey of a wailing child driving a Zamboni.

Number two being the fact that up to this point I have not seen tears stream from my child's face.  Now, being an uncle I am aware that tears are soon to be a common occurrence.  However, this is the first time that I have to see them for what they are... my son is in pain.  He is expanding like Violet Beauregard in Charlie in the Chocolate Factory and I without my "Squeezing Room" to relieve the pressure.  It's heartbreaking.

The upside to all of this, is that I'm beginning to garner more insight into my parents' lives.  I say this with the promise that I will say this repeatedly I am sure, much to my parents' glee.  They have said numerous times that "Payback is coming", and I noticed when Little Awesome first joined this world he was relatively quiet.  Quiet enough that I heard the whispered curses from my parents when my son was so well "behaved".  Surely, payback IS coming, isn't it?

So a few bribes to corporate warlords, and pre-dawn ritual dances later - my parents have their revenge.  I am certain that by their efforts that the formula that we have purchased have become tainted with mystical Fizzy Lifting Bubbles and poor L.A. for whatever reason hates being patted on the back so burps are, for the most part, few and far between.

All joking aside for my folks, it warms my heart to see them, and Mrs. Awesome's family dote on my child.  My bride deserves whatever break she can get.  When I get home I will hold my son in hopes that Mrs. Awesome will take the time to breathe and recharge her Awesome batteries.  I will lose sleep, I will listen to all the screams my son can dish out, I will dry the tears, I will be the rock and the shoulder and the ear.  My wife and child are worth it. Be Awesome everyone, thanks for listening and please come back to see us.

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

2 Weeks Old and You Know What That Means... Road Trip!

A friend of mine passed away last week.  So, I felt it was right to go pay my respects to a good friend and schoolmate.

The hotel was booked and we prepared for what I thought would be about a four hour drive from our home to just outside of Birmingham.

Never.

Never.

Never.

Forget

The

Formula...

It was a crisp, cool night outside the rest stop...

Little Awesome had just discovered that he enjoyed riding in the car, but he was hungry.  So, he decided it was time to let us know about it.  Then I had to let Mrs. Awesome know that I forgot to pack the one thing we needed.

The first rule of being a diplomat, is to immediately accept responsibility and begin working on a solution.  Hence, you eliminate the initial sting of "I'm mad at you" and you can solve the issue and grovel later.  The GPS reads 10 the opposite direction to the nearest pharmacy.  Dear Highway Patrol, thank you for not picking us up.  We made it just fine, thank you.

Apologizing and working on a solution didn't render me the hero, because Mrs. Awesome is in the back seat consoling a very hungry child.  So, technically she earned the merit badge - and I intend to never forget it.